We know that you know someone who gives you the feeling to run away as far away from them just by thinking about it. Toxic people are not easy to handle, but sometimes there’s not much choice but to deal with them and hope for the best. The best thing you can do is identify someone who might be toxic in your life and learn how to deal with it properly for both sides, which is very important for our mental health.
Dealing with that family member, coworker, or client that is problematic and manipulative can be extremely draining, so it is crucial to learn what behavior you need to keep on the lookout for. Check out helpful tips and tricks on what to do when there is that one person that drains our peace and souls out and identifies when it’s time to deal with it headfirst while keeping oneself sane.
Follow the Signs
Some signs of toxicity are obvious, but we don’t think it is a big deal until it becomes a problem. Barrie Sueskind, a therapist in Los Angeles, points out some of the signs and behaviors to keep an eye for. For example, manipulation and similar types of emotional abuse, being Self-Centered, loving to create drama or conflict, being dishonest, and not showing compassion to others are signs that are mainly easy to identify. Still, sometimes we ignore thinking it’s not a big deal. But now that you have them present in your mind, it’ll be easier for you to see them.
A Relationships Go Both Ways
Any healthy relationship needs respect and support from both sides. But when one part turns a blind eye to be abusive, it’s better to stay away. You can offer support to someone, but they don’t give it back to you; that’s when things start to get sour. And it’s incredibly toxic when they depend on you to be emotionally stable when you can’t expect the same from them.
It can be very hard, especially when you value that person, or even more complicated. If you have an emotional attachment to them, it’s never healthy to risk yourself for someone else. The best way to do this is to keep your distance and find yourself before it gets too complicated and hurtful.
Even when you might think that this toxic person will never get away from its problematic ways, there is still hope that they can change; everyone does. Sometimes they need a bit of compassion to make the jump for a better self. If you see that the person is making an effort to change, helping them get there is better than walking away from their life. You don’t need to sacrifice everything to help them out, but offering a shoulder to cry on or just being there while they work on themselves might be just enough.
Everyone deserves a second chance. If they are ready, having someone that cares for them might be exactly what they need to do what’s right. Be the person that you want others to be with you. Give them a hand, but only if they ask. It might not be easy, and it can be a hard road to improvement, but everything will be worth doing in the end.
Don’t Feel Guilty
It’s normal to feel like you screw up, and the toxic behavior might be your fault. But that’s not the case; sometimes, a toxic person will try to guilt-trip you into thinking you are the reason why their behavior is so abusive. One of their defense mechanisms is blaming you or twisting words to make you believe that. This manipulative mechanism can make you second guess that you are the problem, but you are not the one to blame in reality. There are a few things you can do to help you deal with a stressful situation where you feel attacked in that way.
First of all, try to breathe in and out. Remind yourself that this has nothing to do with you or anything you’ve done. Calming yourself will help you clear that anger or annoyance that you might have to make better decisions with your actions. It’s also a good idea to relax the muscle instead of tensing them up and find your happy place in your head. Not letting you get emotionally invested and taking the situation personally will help keep your mental state stable. Words will not hurt you, and you can only acknowledge and move on.
Let Them Know When It’s Too Much
When we talk about toxic people, especially ones that don’t know what boundaries are, it’s better to let them know when they cross the line. If something they say or do makes you feel very uncomfortable, it’s better to speak up so that they know that it’s not ok what they are doing. Even if it’s an offensive comment or doing something that you think is disgusting, letting them know is always a good thing, so it doesn’t happen again.
A good example is in the workplace; you know there is always that one person that loves talking smack and gossiping about other people. Suppose you’re the type of person who thinks talking about people behind their backs is wrong. Then it’s better to tell them about not being interested in the story, excuse yourself, and leave the room. You don’t need that type of toxicity in your life.
You Can Avoid Them, or Have a Plan B
We know it can be difficult when the toxic person that you are trying to stay away from is a coworker or even a close family member. However, people that only bring anxiety and negative vibes into your life are no good. So, it’s better to leave the room rather than damage your peace of mind. This is valid, especially when you know the person refuses to change their ways and keeps going at it.
You can do a few things without being aggressive or rude towards the person. For example, try giving them legitimate excuses like making yourself busy with other things when trying to engage with you. They might be annoyed if you keep ignoring or running the other way when they come in, so even if they say a snarky comment about your behavior, the best thing to do is to ignore it. After a while, they will get the message, and hopefully, they will leave you alone.
Learn to Say No
Saying no to someone can feel difficult if you don’t like disappointing people, and the guilt of doing so is not a great feeling. But this can be a great asset with difficult people and tend to rub you the wrong way. It’s something that takes some time to feel more comfortable doing, but the key here is that when you say “no,” you can’t change your mind if you get stared down. A toxic person might try to challenge you, go into a dramatic rant, or do other tricks to get their way. Nevertheless, stay strong and don’t back down.
If you have to go away if things get too tense or too dramatic, then excuse yourself and leave the room. Sometimes it’s not worth discussing your decision further because they will try to convince you otherwise. Be strong, and you will succeed.
Get Professional Help
When things are too complicated with that toxic someone, and it feels like you’re drowning in toxicity because you don’t know what else to do to deal with them, it’s time to have a therapist or mental health professional to give tools on how to cope with the situation. These are well-trained people who can show you different methods of coping. Plus, you won’t feel like you are dealing with this alone. The best thing about this is that you can be as open as you want to be, and there will be no judgment because that’s what they were trained to do. Never be afraid to ask for help; there is always someone ready to give you a hand.
Everything has a solution, even if you need to stay away from people you were close with, which doesn’t help you move on with your life. Just remember that no matter what their actions are, you are not responsible for their behavior, and no one has the right to cross that mental line that all of us have. Your mental health is essential, and it is better to lose a friend than lose your peace of mind.